durianhead

Although I haven't been updating much or rather I have disappeared from here, ultimately, this channel is still the most ideal place for penning down my inner most thoughts.

Unmotivated. That's what i'm going through right now just for preparing for Dip show. (This feeling is 10x worse than FYP)
Starting to doubt my dream to become a children's book illustrator because I see wonderful illustrators out there and wonder whether I can reach that goal or whether I really want to be there. Something is wrong with me this week. And for one, I haven't been doodling and sketching (not that I do it often in the past) It might be my mind wanting to rest from all this tolling and slogging for the past 3 years. I think i'm out of creative juices, but is that even possible. ah, scrap that sounds so stupid. In any case, I get inspired looking at artists and illustrators doing their thing but somehow nothing comes out of my brain when I'm here trying to work out something for my namecards and portfolio for dip show at Vivo which is 2 weeks away and nowhere near done.. (good job yeesee)

Plus, not forgetting the fact that next week is booked because of DOTC 2. Better get myself together and come up with something to promote myself for the show. if not i will pretty much stay unemployed until I go further my studies. Talking about that, there is seriously a whole lot to prepare for if I really intend to get my ass to Hongik. 1. Brush up/learn my korean 2. Check whether their admissions have (finally) open 3. Spruce up my work and start sketching/drawing.


This is just a phase, i need to get over this and refuel my passion for my dream again.

Sometimes, self praise is needed to move forward.

Was drawing the stupid plants when it (finally) looked genuine enough, so my ego went up like 1000 notches, and motivated to finish this spread before I crash.

I still don't understand why i'm progressing so slowly, i think its the distractions.
And not good that I only go full steam when i'm under stress, when quality = 0.

REALLY NEED TO SLAP MYSELF.
if I want to enjoy CNY I better start picking up speed this week.

Anyway, I still thank God for him being him. Again, i'm reminded of how his works and time can never be measured by human means. Glad that he spoke to me through the bible verse on friday and many friends encouraged me. It was really very comforting :")I need to remind myself that God will always be right beside me and I need to move faster.

I have no idea why I can be so unmotivated to do my work for FYP and have zero sense of urgency.

I don't know if it's how im so tired about everything i'm losing the passion to do work.

Seriously, it's the halfway mark now and im kinda behind time its quite worrying.

Although I still have time to catch up, I need to wake up now..
I need to get out of this lazy rut, and I can't do this alone.


God, please provide me with the amount of wisdom that I need because I really can't do this on my own.

I also need to walk closely with God if I want to do this, need to start reading my verses again and apply whatever I learnt from youth camp into my life.


Lord, purify my soul.

For God, for me, for Korea.

come onnnn